The Matriarch Era
It’s a big woman ting!
When you hear the word Matriarch, what comes to mind? What does it evoke? How does it make you feel?
What is a Matriarch?
Technically a Matriarch is a woman who is the head of her family or tribe.
I’d add that she’s a woman that leads like a woman, fully trusting in what being a woman allows her to bring. She is not bound by the male gaze nor seeking patriarchal validation. She is in connection with herself and her authentic power. She knows her scope, honours her limits and leans into what she’s really good at. No longer hustling for her worth, she knows she has innate worth because she exists, as everyone does.
She leads by nurturing, developing and empowering her team or family. She’s not trying to manipulate or tear them down so she can control them. She respects, uplifts, celebrates and inspires people. She’s generative and abundant, knowing there’s enough for everyone. She holds her power responsibly and uses it to generate more power in others. She’s here for the win-win and the fair exchange. She is not interested in getting one over others and finds no value in martyrdom or self-sacrifice. She knows herself, her feminine and masculine energies are balanced within her. You know when you’re in the presence of a Matriarch, and it’s not because she tells you, you can feel it.
Living my truth
My life is quite a challenging one to live. I live so much of it unconventionally and since many of the norms are stifling to my spirit I have to find what’s true for me in every area of my life. If I don’t, the gravitational pull of ‘how things are meant to be’ will sweep me away into a pit of sheer misery. To be clear, its challenging because my life is not supported by the world set-up and requires me to disrupt it just by living. I accept this challenge.
Living like this requires living with a higher level of uncertainty than most people are comfortable with. Living this way isn’t about mentally knowing what’s going on all the time, controlling, forcing and figuring out. It’s about trusting Life, honouring my cyclical nature, trusting my body and staying in close connection with myself even when things get super uncomfortable and being in my body is really fucking painful.
I’m often not fully understood by most people. Courage is a well developed muscle for me and constantly growing as I strive to always walk my talk and stay in integrity with myself.
I live my life in partnership with Life, faithfully following the signs that Life leaves me and discerning through the filter of my own inner Knowing. All of this took me some time to figure out, try out and trust enough to live. I now do this most of the time.
Every now and then, moments of clarity appear and I get to make sense of what is actually happening. I love those times. Those are the times where my mind (finally) catches up and understands what’s happening. I’ve recently had one of those moments that has given me a lot of clarity about the transition I’ve been in since 2016. It’s been a significant time of transition and I’ve had a number of ideas about what I was transitioning into. Now I see it - I’ve been transitioning into my Matriarch Era. And I ain’t the only one…..
“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” Steve Jobs
What is the Matriarch Era?
The common concept of the archetypes of Maiden, Mother and Crone, also known as the Triple Goddess, is rooted in ancient mythology. It represents the three stages of the female life cycle: youth, maturity, and old age.
I’ve been in the Mother stage for a while and apparently next up is the Crone but that doesn’t feel right. It feels like there’s another step before Crone for me, I can feel it. Listen, I’m more than happy to enter my Crone era, this isn’t about ageism but my gut tells me that there’s a step before it for me.
I’m a Jungian and love an archetype. When I was leading a project establishing coaching for young men in prison some years back I came into my Queen. She was the leading archetype in my life and I got to see what I could do with this part of me leading. Another archetype that is important to me is the Priestess. This is the powerful mystic me, plugged into a Higher Power, trusting, magical, sensual. my Queen kinda evolved into my Priestess.
I now see how both of these archetypes are expressions of the Matriarch. I’ve been coming into my Matriarch Era for the last seven years. Breaking cycles and powerfully leading my family out of toxicity and dysfunction into health, harmony and joy. I’ve been doing this in all the ways - physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and energetically. I’ve been bold, courageous, sovereign and not simply taking what was on offer but following the real systemic desires and creating a whole new reality for my family and me. It has felt like mine to do, what I came here to do.
Patriarchy and the Matriarch
Under patriarchy the Matriarch has been oppressed and distorted. Here youth is worshipped so women become invisible as they get older. The visible ones are often seen as complaining, bitter, angry old battleaxes or doormats that are to be applauded for their servitude and martyrdom.
As women we internalise these standards unless we disrupt them within ourselves. We’ve been quick to believe this bullshit and then find a way to stay relevant or get ahead under patriarchy. One of the ways we’ve done this is by clinging to our youth - I mean one of the highest compliments you can give a woman is that she looks younger than her age. Don’t even get me started on overriding and suppressing our natural cycles.It’s done us damage.
Just like puberty, menopause (including perimenopause) is a significant transition in a woman’s life. Possibly even more of a significant transition than puberty. When we don't acknowledge or have reverence for this natural process we also don't get to hold space for our full transition into our Matriarch era. And trust me, EVERYONE has been losing out by not healthily acknowledging this transition. Read my description of the Matriarch at the start of this post again, when women don’t transition properly we miss out on the loving, transformational and empowering impact of the Matriarch. And the woman doesn’t reach full bloom.
The Matriarch era also marks the transition into eldership and consciously choosing what kind of elder you want to be. What role do you want to play in your community - at work, at home and with your family. The Matriarch era is about healing and processing old wounds so your wounds are no longer leading, releasing old survival identities no longer needed and now just blocking you from thriving. So much of what leads you was formed a really long time ago. You’ve learned a lot along the way, your Matriarch era is where you get to really apply it.
If you have children, they’re growing up and your parental role is changing. As are your parents or other older members of your family, including their care may now be a part of your life. Your standards may have changed and with that your relationships. Maybe you’re increasingly aware of how much time you’ve already lived and it’s making you think about how you want to spend the time ahead and the legacy you want to leave.
The Matriarch Era is the name I’m giving to the transition many of us feel but struggle to name. A letting go of who you’ve been so you can become who you’re meant to be, in all your glory. Like all transitions, grief and discomfort are a normal and necessary part of the process and vital for you to have more space for joy, peace and a connection to yourself that you may have never felt before.
The Matriarch Era has a lot to offer us if we engage with the opportunity it presents us with a way away from the patriarchal gaze. Contrary to popular belief, this is where you get to really bloom not a place of deterioration. We can sage as we age.
What are your thoughts about the Matriarch Era? Is it something you recognise in yourself?
I’d love to hear 💕